Oh, lucky me! I had the opportunity to experience the 3 different types of child birth. Some folks, like my sister, get to experience a fairly pleasurable child birthing experience. When my sister was in labor having my niece, the nurses had to wake her up to push. My experience was on the other end of the spectrum. It’s amazing that I ended up having 3 babies!
Vaginal Birth with Epidural
When I was pregnant with my oldest son, I had the misfortune of suffering from Braxton Hicks contractions. They began about a month and a half prior to giving birth. If that wasn’t bad enough, about 2 weeks before having him, I started leaking amniotic fluid. By the time I finally went into labor, I was on the verge of having a dry birth.
When I began having contractions, I was hesitant to head to the hospital. Every visit prior, I was sent home with the Braxton hick’s analysis. My mother and my sister insisted that I go (just in case), so this go around, I drove myself. Faint and fall over, they actually admitted me! It was then that we began our 13 ½ hour wait.
I was given an epidural early on, but this did not seem to ease the pain. It felt like he was trying to come out of my rear end. After hours of twiddling our fingers, the doctor ended up breaking my water. From that point on, I could be found hanging from the side of the bed in severe pain.
When I finally began to crown, the doctor realized that my son was stuck. He tried using Obstetric Forceps (A.K.A. Salad Tongs), and when they didn’t work, he tried the Ventouse, also known as the vacuum suction, or what I like to call “The Cone Head Creator.” When both of those attempts failed, he resorted to going in with both hands to free my boy. After our magical, miracle of life experience, I realized just how numb the epidural had made me. My legs were absolutely worthless!
Natural Child Birth
When my daughter decided to make her appearance into the world, I was living in Europe. I almost had to drive myself to the hospital again, as my husband was beyond intoxicated. He was “working on” his vintage VW, and that was apparently a bit more important than having a baby!
I eventually made it to the German hospital, and while I tried my best to explain to the nurse that I needed an epidural, I was unsuccessful. Somehow I managed to get her to understand that I needed to go to the restroom, and this was how my doctor discovered me when he finally arrived. He told me that I was too far along for an epidural, and that I had about 5 minutes to get from the toilet to the delivery bed. My contractions were SO severe, that the doctor had to hold a towel between my legs (just in case) as I shimmied my way down the waiting room hallway to my oversized round delivery bed. After struggling to position myself in the center of the bed, my daughter made her excruciating appearance into this world. She weighed in at 9 pounds, 7 ounces, 21.5 inches long. The pain was unimaginable!
The morning of my youngest, I woke up with a fever of 104.5. My eyes were swollen shut, and I knew that I had to get to the hospital ASAP. Every test they could think to perform was administered, and when my doctor finally arrived that evening, she concluded that it was time to undergo an amniocentesis. She had left the room to order the necessary supplies, when my little boy’s heart rate dropped.
The next thing I know, I am surrounded by about 30 white coats, and they are preparing me for an emergency caesarean. The last thing that I remember was the blinding overhead lights, the sterile operating room, and the feeling of absolute terror. I was undergoing this procedure completely solo. They had me so doped up on morphine that the first few days were a blur. My baby boy had arrived 6 ½ weeks early, and weighed in at 6 pounds, 7 ounces. He had to spend his first week of life in the NICU.
As with all stories, there are a lot of details that have been omitted from this telling. All of the juicy details will one day be shared in my autobiography. But, for the sake of this post, my 3 counts of child birth techniques have been expressed. Each was a horrific experience for me, but the final result made it all worth it.
So, in conclusion, the epidural did not help to alleviate my pain, natural child birth was equivalent to a renaissance torture chamber, and caesarean (which I still suffer from, after ripping my internal stitches) was scary and horrific. There is not one that I would pick above the other. Each was excruciating!
Do you have any experiences to share?